Mommy Knows Best

“Where the hell did you drop it? How can you be so careless? I told you to be careful with them.”

“I’m sorry mumma…I’ll be more careful next time.”

“There will be no next time. I’m never buying such stuff for you again.”

This was a conversation between me and my daughter one day, when I had so lovingly and painstakingly dressed her up for a party, and she came back home with a missing hair clip.

She was 5.

My mother, who was a silent spectator to this exchange, let out an annoyed and angry sigh which meant nothing to my daughter but I got the message loud and clear. I decided to drop the issue and sent my daughter off to change.

Now it was my turn to give the death stare to my mother. Just as I opened my mouth to give her my well rehearsed lecture on how I should be given a free hand to bring up my daughter the way I felt right and blah blah, she cut me mid-sentence…

“I am not going to interfere between you and your child, however, let me give a piece of my mind to MY child, who, I think, needs a few lessons in parenting.”

I raised my eyebrows and rolled my eyes. Bad idea. Because my mother caught me doing that and the way I was reprimanded for that is enough content for another blog, altogether.

She then went on to tell me something that I’ve never forgotten. She said,

“You are a parent, a mother and while it’s natural for you to want that your child should always be well-dressed and presentable, you tend to give so much importance to making her look good that you forget that it’s more important for her feel loved and have fun. When you dressed her up in a ₹3000/- dress and decorated her hair with ₹500/- accessories, it was because YOU wanted to feel good about yourself as a mother. You didn’t want other mothers to judge you based on your child’s appearance. You can’t reprimand her for losing something she was least bothered about. She had gone for a birthday party…to enjoy herself. And when you scold her like that for losing a hair clip, you are making sure that she doesn’t enjoy the next party because she would be busy taking care of her mommy’s beloved hair clip.” She said it all in one breath.

“So you are saying that I should let her be shabbily dressed? And that I should never make her responsible for her things?” I argued.

“No…I’m in no way asking you to do that. All I’m saying is that kids are born beautiful…all of them. And more importantly, they are born without inflated egos…unlike us adults. They don’t need expensive clothes and accessories to look and feel good. Let her be a child while she still can, because it is inevitable that one day she too would be sucked into the superficial notions of beauty and image that have been so ingrained in our minds that we can’t think beyond them.

And if you still want her to wear expensive things then YOU be on your toes at every party and make sure she doesn’t spoil her dress or rip her leggings or lose a clip or a bow on her shoes. It is not her duty and responsibility as long as she doesn’t ask for it herself. Stop trying to raise a perfect child…instead be a parent who is perfect for her…despite your own imperfections.” She was done talking. It was now my turn to start introspecting.

I usually don’t let anything deter me from my style of parenting…this conversation with my mother, however, did make me realise that I truly was a parent with imperfections…but I kept looking for perfection from my 5 year old.

My daughter is almost 11 now…and while I’m still light years away from being a perfect mother…I am a much more chilled-out one now. I have survived lost hair clips, broken shoes, ripped dresses and cringeworthy appearances and I’ve realised that it’s not the end of the world.

And on days when my daughter gets a lecture on responsibility from me and gives me the raised eyebrow and rolling eye, I want to tell her that while no one likes to be scolded, sometimes being scolded by your mom is the best thing that can happen to you. Because at the end of the day ‘Mommy Knows Best !’